Been watching the news, and the on-going corruption trials and so on, and a guy on TV saying Israel was worse than either Italy or Nigeria in that regard (though it has less cappuccinos and less 419 scammers! a marvelous achievement).
And I was watching it, and I thought – but why are they all so cheap?
I mean, it really doesn’t take much to buy an Israeli PM! A couple of free trips to Europe and you’re sorted! Which makes me sad, because I’d like to think that, if I were prime minister, I’d ask for at least a summer house in Malibu and a bag of coke. And maybe a free packet of crisps.
Also on TV, the government is putting out an appeal for Israelis (link in English, check out the video…):
Going abroad? Meeting foreigners on a visit? Be ambassadors for Israel!
Many of us, whether we’re traveling or living abroad for an extended period of time, get involved in discussions with locals during which they bring up misconceptions and false information regarding Israel, without our having the tools and the correct information for coping with the questions or the barbs of criticism put to us.
At such moments, we’re seized with an urge to make the other person open their mind and especially their heart, and see us—see Israel—differently.
I am very glad indeed to be asked by my government to act as an ambassador. I am still looking into the renumeration package but I am told it includes strippers. In any case, here are some tips for living in Israel!
- Israeli drivers are – and there is no exception to this – assholes.
- You can get a fine for crossing a pedestrian crossing at a red light. Cars, meanwhile, are allowed to drive through when pedestrians have a green light.
- Butchers charge you extra to cut your meat. I mean, it’s not like it’s their job or anything.
- You have to carry an ID on you at all times.
- The banks charge you to deposit money. Forget about that strange foreign thing called earning interest.
- News begin broadcasting at 12:01am. News stop broadcasting at 11:59pm. Yes, you get a full two minutes which are news-free.
- Old women are mean.
- Chicken soup really does heal anything.
- You really don’t want to be an Arab and live here. Second-class status is something you can only dream about.
- On the plus sides, prime ministers come cheap!